If women only knew how dyslexic they can turn men
by only holding their gaze on them for a few extra seconds.
Maybe it’s me being too shallow, but I don’t know if I’ve ever been one to settle. I mean, maybe I have without realizing it. And maybe that’s everyone’s excuse - it’s an accident. But I’ve been in more than one conversation with someone who has admitted that they don’t love the person they married. So it’s not just an accident. I guarantee someone says I love you without meaning it every. single. day.
I’ve noticed a lot of people, including a good friend of mine, have settled purely because they think that they are going to end up alone if they don’t marry the first person to show them the most attention. It doesn’t help that the words “I love you” are thrown around like candy in a Thanksgiving parade, and that even if you do hear those words, it doesn’t mean that person is in love with you.
There is a very big difference between the two.
You can love your dog without being in love with your dog.
And you can love the person you’re dating without being in love with them.
There is an entire website dedicated to girls with douchebags because people settle too much. People give up on the idea that there is someone for everyone, and since they are desperate they take the first person to give them the slightest bit of attention.
If you wake up in the morning and you’re smiling just because you’re thinking about someone, you think that’s love right? If you love everything about them, and the way they move, and the way they phrase words, and the way they sneeze then it must be love, right? Wrong. It could be lust. It could be temporary. It could be as simple as your brain convincing yourself that because you’re so lonely lately and because person A is around at just the right time, you’re destined to marry that person.
Being young and wanting to fall in love and therefore convincing yourself that you’re in love with the boy that sits in the front row in English class is not love, it is a way to justify wanting to have sex with them, and a reason to justify your obsession with them. You can lust over someone, and that is completely different from being in love with them.
And I know, who am I to talk? I’m only 22 (in a few days) and have been in nothing but serious relationships, but I’ve been very cautious with those words. Purely because those words end up causing more harm than good most of the time.
If you have to convince yourself to be with someone, you do not love them. If they cheat on you, you’re never going to get over it, even if you decide to work it out. You will never love them the way you loved them again. And you will always wonder if they will cheat again. Point being: get out of that relationship. Even then at the point you find out you’ve been cheated on it should be obvious that you aren’t keeping each other happy. Don’t keep yourself unhappy by staying in a relationship that doesn’t completely promote the happiness and altogether well-being of both of the people in it.
If you’ve only been with someone for a couple of weeks, I really do recommend maybe spending a liiiiiiiiiiittle bit more time with them before saying “I love you”. Like, months. A year. Spend some time together, learn their bad habits and their goals in life. Learn how they interact with people, and for christ’s sake, learn how they treat their mother. If after all of that you still have no qualms with who they are as a person and what they stand for, then you can think about saying “I love you”.
Don’t say you’re in love with them if you’re not. Don’t string them along because you’re lonely. And don’t have a kid with them or pull the “I’m pregnant” or “I have cancer” card just to make them stay with you. It’s not going to work, it will only cause resentment.
Please. Just do this for yourself and everyone you interact with emotionally.
And if you don’t find that person, then grow by yourself. You don’t NEED another person to survive in the world. If you want a kid (and can fully support it both financially and emotionally) then adopt. There are plenty of kids without a mother or father because of stupid shit like having a baby to keep a relationship together. Or get artifically inseminated. If you really think you need to make a smaller carbon copy of yourself just to leave your footprint on the world, make sure you can support that child as a person, no matter what may happen. Emergencies come up all the time, and kids are wreckless (as well they should be) so chances are you’re going to have to financially back an emergency medical bill or two. So be prepared before you decide one night to get pregnant just to make someone love you more. And if you have a kid in order to not be alone and you end up bringing them into a world where you can’t support them, that’s more resentment and both the child and you will regret it.
Just fucking be smart. And be yourself. And if you happen to find someone who compliments you as a person and isn’t detrimental to your lifestyle or well being then spend time with them before saying I love you.
Please.
I have a little too much faith in humanity.
This morning, I got hit by a car. It wasn’t hard, it didn’t even knock me down. But for some reason which is completely beyond me, I thought the guy was going to stop when he hit me. He saw it happen, he felt his car hit a body, but only slowed, looked around, and kept going.
The only other person that really would’ve seen are some homeless people, who are jaded about the world anyway, and a blind guy. He incidentally, didn’t get hit, and he was further out in the street than I was. We had the green walking man, the car had red light. Because the people in Utah can’t drive worth a damn most of the time, I’m pretty cautious about who is driving in my general direction. The fact that the guy looked up, saw the red light, looked over at me and gave me the “YEAH, I’M STOPPING FOR YOU” eyes gave me the impression that yes, I could go.
Obviously I am mistaken.
So I go, the guy goes, and before I know it, I have a big black escalade hitting me on my left side.There’s a thump, and the guy stops. And at this point, I’m thinking ‘great - this was a wonderful start to my morning but at least the guy is stopping’.
Then the mother fucker kept going.
I didn’t get his license plate because I was actually thanking whatever diety for having him stop to begin with, so now I feel like an idiot for not being more cynical and grabbing his license plate when he first hit me. And now my side hurts and I have no one to blame it on but myself.
Also, now I’m whining so I’m going to shut the fuck up.
nobody can save you but
yourself.
you will be put again and again
into nearly impossible
situations.
they will attempt again and again
through subterfuge, guise and
force
to make you submit, quit and/or die quietly
inside.
nobody can save you but
yourself
and it will be easy enough to fail
so very easily
but don’t, don’t, don’t.
just watch them.
listen to them.
do you want to be like that?
a faceless, mindless, heartless
being?
do you want to experience
death before death?
nobody can save you but
yourself
and you’re worth saving.
it’s a war not easily won
but if anything is worth winning then
this is it.
think about it.
think about saving your self.
…Zampano always steers clear of such questionable four-letter language. This instance in particular proves that beneath all that cool pseudo-academic hogwash lurked a very passionate man who knew how important it was to say “fuck” now and then, and say it loud too, relish it’s syllabic sweetness, its immigrant pride, a great American epic word really, starting at the lower lip, often the very front of the lower lip, before racing all the way to the back of the throat, where it finishes with a great blast, the concussive force of the K catching up then with the hush of the F already on its way, thus loading it with plenty of offense and edge and certainly ambiguity. FUCK.
- House of Leaves
So, if you insist on becoming a writer, against my wishes, do this. Do something different. Most writers can’t write. Most journalists are shit. Go where no one else will go. Write what no one else will write. Tell the stories nobody wants to hear. Write for love. Do gigs for free. Stop churning out the same boring fucking copy that your peers are dutifully filing like a bunch of self-congratulating monkeys and find out what “beyond the pale” really means. Read this. And this. And this. Go into the ghetto. Interview a homeless person. Find out what it’s like to get jizzed on for a living. Fuck the pyramid, fuck j-school, fuck writing for a living. Fuck your computer, fuck your rent, fuck whatever your parents said. Go and live. Go be in the world. Go push yourself until you cry and then go back for more and then write about it.
